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College Diary #14: Last Night I Was Called A Bitch

5 Dec

Next week will be finals week and thus the end of first semester of college! Woo! I survived a whole semester of college! But before that, we have lots of projects and studying to be done. Also, there are some frustrations and misunderstandings that need to be addressed. Hence, the title of this week’s post.

First off, I was technically not called a bitch although it was implied during a heart-to-heart conversation with a friend. It’s been a while since this friend and I had a conversation and we just talked about ourselves, personalities in the dorm, and issues with roommates (except me, since I like my roommate now). When the topic of personalities came up, I talked about how I feel like people think I’m a bitch because of the things I say. Cue friend who brings about the truth.

She goes: “Yeah, a few weeks ago there was a time when everyone didn’t want to be around you.”

I go: “Oh, God…really?”

Then she goes on about how I’m too much sometimes. As a New Yorker, I have this brand of humor that isn’t exactly appropriate for the many rural small-town friends I have here. For them, it’s an entirely new experience coming into contact with a snarky and prickly personality like me. I make jokes at the expense of the other person but I let them know that it’s a joke either by directly saying it (“I’m kidding) or by the way I emphatically deliver it (“some people are just WAYYYY too slow”). For the uninitiated, they have a hard time distinguishing between what I mean and what I don’t. Which I find strange considering the countless times I’ve made self-deprecating jokes, often belittling myself to make someone else feel better.

I was quite shocked by the things I heard about myself. I knew I had a tendency to be offensive and I asked this to other friends. Some of them were very understanding of me because they were used to my humor and some agreed with my friend who thought that I sometimes went overboard with my “criticism”.

She even went further by saying that sometimes I get too “cold and distant” when I entertained other friends.  Every Sunday, I cook food for my friends, my AU Family, just as a nice way of getting together. Apparently, during these dinners I tend to ignore my other friends in the room. Three things sprang to mind immediately: 1) It’s difficult to entertain so many people at the same time since my two group of friends don’t know each other; 2) there are hardly any moments where the two groups would interact with each other since one of the group is too shy to meet my other friends; 3) I’m often panicking and busy making food and preparing for the dinner to actually interact with anyone.

But I do understand these criticisms of me. I think, for the most part, they are true about me. Although, I find it difficult to swallow, I just take it one piece at a time and I try to move on. I think that’s the best thing about college–most of the people you meet are mature enough to have a discussion with you about your faults instead of ignoring them. Conversations are key to understanding and that’s why I find it easy to talk to my roommate now because we can talk about anything (and we always do before we sleep!).

–Clarence

 

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